We were in 6th or 7th grade, I can’t quite remember the exact year.  My friend M was going out with D at the time.  Looking back now, we were all just kids and so I was, to say the least, not amused by this little piece of information M shared with me one day while we were walking home from school.  Like it was the most ordinary thing to say, she blurts out. “Alfalfa sprouts smells like d**k.”  O…………k.  I really needed to know that.  And to think I was one of those… “late bloomers” if you will.  I forgot what I said back to her or if I just pretended I didn’t hear her cuz ewwwwwwww, who wants to know what D’s thingamajing smells like?  But of course, you must know that during our next grocery trip, I went up to the alfalfa sprout section and I did take a whiff of it to know what M was talking about.  I wasn’t amused before.. but now, I think I shared this nonsense piece of info with my sister (who is even more of a late bloomer than I was hehehe) and she wasn’t all too pleased with that piece of info either .

So why am I even talking about alfalfa sprouts?  I made myself a turkey sandwich yesterday for lunch and yup, I had some alfalfa sprouts.  You can bet when I opened it, I took a whiff.  Then I looked at Eric and laughed out loud.  He laughed right back.  I devoured that turkey sandwich like it was the best thing on earth.  LOL.

I got the sample invites from Unifair.  Like at first sight!  I honestly expected worse, but the samples are unbelievably nice.  We absolutely love them.  So the verdict?  We’re going with Unifair.  How could we not?  50 pesos per set, tell me who can beat that (comes with main invite, entourage list and rsvp card with all envelopes).  It would be 55 pesos if everything was embossed but I’d like only the main invite to be embossed.  We’re not talking anything spectacular here — they’re just your basic, simple, neat looking invites.  I’m starting to sound flaky cuz one minute I’m saying Printed Matter and now I’m choosing Unifair.  Ei, it’s all about the price baby.  Especially since guests are going to throw the damn papers away anyways.  How’s that for budgeting? 

Well, okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration.  But I have been busy. 

1.  We head for Manila 1st week of December (tickets were cheaper by $300+ dollars).  And we aren’t due back until the 2nd week of January.  With that comes the scramble to find a spacious enough place where we’re going to be accessible to civilization.  See, my inlaws live all the way in Tanay, Rizal.  I can’t imagine having to trek up the mountains and head back down again just to hang out in Makati or Manila.  And I don’t want to haul us all to Tarlac cuz that’s even farther than Tanay!  So these past couple of days have been spent researching good (read: value for money ) places to stay (I can’t seem to justify throwing away over 100,000++ pesos if we stay in high-end accomodations).  Have found some leads and am also communicating with some rental agents so I hope by November, I’ll have all this housing stuff squared away. 

2.  Just when I thought we were ready to send off our invitation details to Printed Matter the other day, what do you know… we actually hadn’t completed some (entourage) roles.  HAY.  And it’s what - almost November?  You’d think with all the complaining and comments I had about invites, we’d have finalized it by now.  Oh no, not us.  Eric also contacted Unifair and while they did agree to accomodate our “rush” invites, I still haven’t heard back from them via email (as they were supposed to email me some designs.  I also asked for a quote on an invite that I thought was okay and similar to PM’s style — PM came out cheaper by 25 pesos!).  The response (and price) has definitely been better with Printed Matter.  And having worked with PM before, I can vouch for their reliability — which is really all I need right now.  Never mind what it really looks like, I just want some damn invites in my hand!  And to think I told PM I need the invites by 1st week of November (to which they agreed) but from the looks of it, heh, I doubt it’s going to happen.  

3.  At the beginning of our wedding preps, we never had a budget.  In fact, I didn’t even know such an idea existed (that’s as honest as can get).  I simply assumed whatever the bride and groom (LOL) wanted, they got.  Costs were the last thing on my mind.  Heh!  Welcome to the real world honey!  By the time I had figured out what “budget” meant, it was too late.  We’d already thrown monies here and there on things we’re not even going to use for our wedding day.  So now?  I’ve been nitpicking and stressing out on Enrico these past couple of days because I’m so overwhelmed by the numbers and even exclaiming altogether that “I want to cancel this effing wedding!”  But to do that would even lose out on more money, duh!  I hope that my sentiments are all a part of this bridezilla process cuz I tell you, I am turning into a witch.  And that crap about this wedding being more than just details… that it’s about the life you create.. blah blah blah?  Sorry, I’m not quite there yet.  But eh, I think that applies to those brides who aren’t married yet – the ones who vow they’ll never leave their husbands, do or die.  Heh.  Wait til the honeymoon is over honey and real life hits you in the face.  But who knows, maybe I’m the only evil wife that exists on this planet and that’s why I can say this.  LOL.  Take it from my closest friend, Olga, who says, “Girls like us.. you and I.. we aren’t meant to be married.. we’re too selfish.”  For reals.  HAHAHA. 

4.  As is routine every Sunday, I had my WW meeting.  I lost one pound.  And I’m happy.  I’ll take what I can.  I’m definitely not progressing as I should be and I won’t bore you with excuses but I’ll reach my light at the end of the tunnel.  May take awhile, but this heavyweight mama is gonna get there.  I’m doing an experiment starting tonight.  I’m giving up my oils for a week to see how much of a difference it’ll make on my next weigh in.  Yup, I’m grilling everything and anything.  I’m excited at the possibilities!  And the quote we were left with today (which doesn’t really make sense to me) is, “We are who we pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be.”  I hope I’m saying it right, cuz even as I repeat it now, it sounds even more f***** up than it did this morning.

There’s more but.. til next time.

I’m not one to appreciate LV much.. but today was an exception.  Specifically, the Manhattan GM.  I wasn’t jumping up and down or anything like that.. but I was admiring it from afar.  A “nice to have,” I thought to myself.  Then a lady came walking in with her friends–I’d presume yes, they were LV whores–and bam, the bag had a whole new meaning.  It was perfect.  And apparently, my mom thought so too (when earlier, she thought the bag was just “okay” but didn’t fancy the whole buckle thing) cuz as soon as she saw the bag on somebody else (it really is different when it’s just sitting on the shelves), she goes and buys one for herself.  Lucky dawg.  So yummy. 

Just got back from my WW meeting.  I weighed in at the same weight I was last week.  Que bummer!  But.  What’d I expect?  I knew full well I wasn’t going to lose anything.  I was even anticipating I was going to gain.  My eating habits are so wrong (what an understatement.. it’s more like they’ve been wrong all my life!) and this past week was nothing new.  Haaaaayy.  If you were to go back on my posts where I’ve set goals for myself (giving up the rice, blah blah blah), you’ll see that my efforts were super short-term.  But oh do I try.  And you know what it also is?  I’m an emotional eater.  Hunger is never always the only reason I’m stuffing my face.  But I’m not going to bore you with my sad fat stories.  LOL.  But I will impart you with these last words we got from the meeting:  “The bad news is that time flies.  The good news is that you are the pilot.”  So there you go.  Fly Jen, flllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  Hehe. 

I’m not the most organized wife and mommy on earth… so it came as no surprise that I was scheduling our Seattle getaway at a time when we actually have a few appointments that I’d rather not cancel.  Haayy.. what to do, what to do.  To see Olis when Olga is there (meaning go to Seattle on Monday night) or to see Olis at the end of the month (when Olga has already returned to Ohio).  I wanted to kill two birds with one stone, you see.  Hmm.  Erynne still has a cold though it’s come to a point where I can actually see boogers in her nose so that must mean she’s getting better .  Aw fack it.  I’ll think about this tomorrow.  Don’t want to bore you with my thoughts.

Speaking of tomorrow, Eric starts a new work schedule.  He has to be at work by 6:30am.  Good God.  Which means he’ll leave by 5:30am.  Which means he’ll get up before 5 to get ready and eat bfast… which means, if I was a good wife, I’d get up with him so I can prepare his breakfast and his baon.  But I’m not a good wife so no, I won’t get up.  Hahahahahaha.  I compromised with him this evening and said I’d have everything prepared and ready to go the evening before so all he’d have to do is pop his bfast in the microwave and then grab his lunch and go.  I think at first when I asked him if I had to wake up early, I could tell he was thinking ”what kind of question is that?” bec. it took him a while to answer, “No.”  Hehehehehe.  That’s craziness if I have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn.  Isn’t it bad enough I have to tend to a screaming, spoiled and super likot 19 month-old little girl?  I think he thinks I have a grand old time at home fiddling with my fingers and ass…. oh, if he (or anyone!) knew just how hard it is to be at home and still be sane :D.  Erynne is at the point where, if I turn my head, she’s climbing on top of everything she can get her hands and feet on.  But that’s a difft. story in itself and while I am not complaining about my so called domesticated life, what I am saying is this (cuz Enrico does in fact read this blog):  I love you, but I will not get up at 5am for you .

There is no point to what I am going to say next but it explains the title of this post.  I think my mom is just hilarious but she can be so tacky sometimes — not just in talk but in appearance.  Case in point:  she’ll wear a nice outfit and have some nice shoes on… but look down at her feet and she’ll have sporty anklet socks on.  Yes, the ones she actually wears to the gym.  WTF?  And if you ask her what’s going on, she’ll say her feet are cold.  Hay.

I just love how that sounds.  Marisa’s husband Sean is in Iraq and he just left a msg on her myspace account – ”Hubba hubba.”  Gad, it’s so Sean .

*

Eric got us our tickets for Seattle already.  We’re scheduled to leave for Monday night and return on Thursday morning.  I will finally be able to see Olis.  Marisa has already visited and says Olis looks amazing considering the circumstances.  I don’t know what I’m expecting when I see Olis at the hospital but I guess I have nothing to worry about.  Blame it on my ignorance:  I guess when I hear the word “cancer” and then “leukemia,” I automatically assume there are tubes galore.  But Marisa says Olis looks like Olis and if there was anything that looked wrong, it was just that she looked really tired.  That was it.  Cool.  Marisa said she teared up while she was talking to Olis… which, corny as this sounds, made me tear up as well cuz… sigh.  Olis is younger than any of us… so beautiful and just gorgeous… and for her to be the one to get sick like this… it just doesn’t seem very fair.  Shit really happens, I guess.  And funny how, in highschool, I once said that if ever we all drifted apart from each other, somehow, someway, I’d bet we’d find our way back to each other in a hospital.  Hay.  But this is where the beauty lies:  you really realize who your real friends are.   

*

WW weigh in on Sunday:  1 pound lost.  Need I say more?  But ei, that’s 3.4 pounds lost thus far.  May not mean much but you watch… those 3.4′s are going to add up…. hahahaha.  Dipensib. 

*

Erynne has a cold.  So she hasn’t been sleeping well.  Which keeps me up on and off.  Her dad bought some plug-in vapor stuff.  I’ve been inhaling vicks for how many nights now.  Uhg.  And Eric has had some backpains… which led me to have to rub some bengay stuff on his back.  Gross.  Talk about sacrifices.  (note:  i HATE the smell of bengay and vicks).

*

Wedding preps are annoying me.  Church documents too.  What a waste of time.  Haaaayyy… I’m so not Catholic.  And I especially don’t trust priests.  LOL.  I better just go to bed.  And pray.  

Yep.  That would be me.  I would have to say this is one of the first moments in my life when I absolutely have nothing smart, sarcastic, funny, or stupid to say.

It all started with a phone call this evening.  Cancer, she said. 

CANCER. 

Let me say that again.  C-A-N-C-E-R.  

Just typing the word out makes my heart beat in pain.  You don’t know this but it’s actually taking me a long time to type what I’m typing cuz I am, as the title of this post suggests, speechless.

How?  Why?  When?  Where?  But I couldn’t dare ask how long, for fear I.. well.  Hell I don’t know.  I honestly just don’t fucking know.  Since Tuesday though, that’s what I do know.  And leukemia.

And when, for probably one of the first times in my life, I chose to remain silent, shocked as I was, not really sure if I had heard correctly, I hear laughter on the other end though not as strong and convincing… and why?  Because she had called me for some positive reinforcement blah blah blah.  WHAT?!  Oh, I suddenly forgot.  Because I’m the one who gives out laughter for free.  Because I’m someone who will do something about it. 

Dear God.  How in the hell do you do cancer?  I’m not good with emotions, I don’t do “I love you’s”.  I don’t do the hugs.  I don’t do the tears in public.  And I sure as hell don’t know what to do with this heart of mine that thumps like there’s no tomorrow everytime I imagine her image on that hospital bed.  Missing her babies. 

But in the course of a few minutes… on the topic of hair and chemo and her suggestion on shaving it off, I saw the light.  Long silky carves.. many of them.. bold prints.. magenta.. blues.. aquas.. blacks and whites… all together… covering her head and big ass bug eye shades… rocking it out like the ghetto fabulous women we are.  And in that moment, it hit me… she asked me to go see her because somehow, I could make my difference.  Gad it hurts.  I don’t do scenes like this! 

And Eric getting that airline job… here we go… I would need those free miles to go as I please.

I feel I’m being challenged.  I don’t show love and care all that well when things get serious.  I close myself off… voluntarily choosing to let others believe I don’t give a damn only because I don’t know how to show I do feel something.  And cancer?  Possibly even death?  Get the hell out of here.  What would anyone need from me?!

But for her and for all the things she stood for in my eyes… the good times that were few but sooo right and hilarious, hell, I’ll give her all the laughter she needs.  Heck, even the scarves.  Hehehe. 

Sigh.  My heart is pretty heavy.     

It’s October!  I feel like a lot of good things are going to happen this month — don’t know why, I just feel it.  And boy, do I welcome it.

Notice my new background?  I am diggin’ it!  New month, new face, good attitude (so far )… ah lay kit!

Looking forward to this weekend because we’re checking out Vacaville’s outlet stores… and actually shopping.  Oh yes.  Not just “window-shopping-but-in-the-end-we-end-up-buying-just-for-the-hell-of-it,” but actual, planned shopping.  Doesn’t that sound nice?  Planned.  Okay, now I’m sounding like white trash with no money who shops at Kmart and all of a sudden am given a free excursion (and money!) to real shopping.  Hahahahaha.  What can I say?  I am a deprived woman regardless of what many may think.  *Drama*

I must have forgotten to share last week’s weigh-in at WW.  Hmm, ok, it was intentional, I admit.  Hehehehe.  I lost .8 of a pound.  See?  Pathetic.  I could defend myself and say I still lost something but eh.  I’m a loser, so be it.  To make up for it and to actually take this program seriously (I have a hard time taking anything seriously people), I really have been watching what I eat this week and woohoo, I’ve made it to the gym every single damn day since my Sunday meeting.  My goal this week is 3 lbs.  And no, are you kidding me?  I.  Will.  Not.  Give.  Up.  My.  Rice.  .  Oh.. and that malfunctioning scale at the gym?  IT FINALLY WORKS!  Hahahahahaha!  Maintenance must have finally come in and fixed it cuz it says I’m 10 pounds lighter!  How you like me now?!?!  But don’t think you can see the difference cuz I certainly cannot.  Maybe the weight came off my feet cuz all of a sudden, I can actually squeeze into some size 8 heels I wore to Erynne’s christening back in October.  Oops, I take that back… I can fit into them… not that I can walk in them . 

So behind in wedding preps, it’s not even funny.  I have done nothing with invites.  Notice the “I” instead of “we.“  Eric’s idea of helping me out is browsing through endless invitation catalogs (which he ordered a few months back thinking he was ahead of the game hahaha).  Maybe I’ll sit down and take care of it tomorrow.

I know there’s more to share but for now, I’ll leave you with this:  I’M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!