Suppose we hadn’t made the move over to the States and we had remained in the Philippines. What would have been of our life? I know for a fact I’d still be a SAHM and the idea of a hiring a yaya would be completely out of the question — even if practically everyone in the country has one for their child. And this I have no problem with. I don’t know that I could trust my child with a maid/yaya/nanny anyways. And it’s not that I’m looking down upon those who choose to entrust their babies/children with hired help cuz man, God knows I wouldn’t mind having one myself sometimes (I’d probably be a better wife, in all honesty). Besides, when hubby and I explored the idea about hiring one (if we were to remain in the country a little while longer), my inlaws freaked out at the idea (something about me speaking English and not being a ‘local’).
But really, where would we be living? House? Condo? Apartment? I particularly enjoyed living in the condo we rented while I was there, and I did see a few kids in our building with their respective yayas playing near the pool/garden area but honestly? I don’t know that we would have continued living in a condo with Erynne. Sure, we lived in the condo for the first 5 months of Erynne’s life but that was only because we knew we’d be on a plane bound for America soon. If we had continued living in the Philippines, we’d probably be living in Tagaytay where the air is fresh and I wouldn’t always freak out over Erynne playing outside. I miss living in Manila sometimes, if I can be honest. I may have bitched many a times during my short-lived “adventure,” but you know how it is when you no longer have it — you miss it. I’ve asked Eric many a times why we don’t go back and live there. His response is always consistent: there are no opportunities there for us right now. But even if there were, would I really want to live there? I don’t know; I’m not “cowboy” enough. I’d have to live a certain way and even just saying this (or imagining it), I’m already trying to be humble. I might come across negatively by those who might be reading this, but I think it all comes down to the fact that when I think of the Philippines, I think of it only as “a good time,” — an everyday vacation, if you will. Our funds would be wiped out — over and over again. Then I’d wish we were back in the States, where somehow, I seem to have more discipline in my actions — and way of thinking.
And I think that living here really is best for our marriage. I’m not so limited. And by “limited,” I mean I can jump into a car and pop Erynne into her carseat and off we go. When we’re in the Philippines (not that I’m complaining towards those who fuss over me and Erynne, etc), I’ve always got someone guarding me or making sure I’m fine, Erynne’s fine, etc. I have no freedom there. And for someone as spontaneous like myself (with a bratty attitude at that), this is a bit of a problem for me. But I understand where everyone is coming from with their concern and actions (and I love them for it); still, it’s hard to shake off sometimes and well, to keep the peace, that’s just what you have to do, isn’t it? Imagine how difficult that is for someone like me — you tell me I can’t, damn right I’ll show you I can (gaah, I couldn’t in the Philippines though haha!).
Life is funny, isn’t it?